giggles

Nothing like getting the giggles with your little sister before you go to bed. I really don't think you can be as un-selfconscious around anyone as you can your family. Well, in some families. Hehehaha--"Finding Nemo" on ice, can it get any funnier than that...? The word giggles in and of itself is a silly word. Hm. Anyway.

So Iraq had their elections....go democracy, right? Oh wait, except that in recent polls most of the people want Americans to just get the heck out. And that Harvard president, Summers or something...what was he thinking saying that women may not have the aptitude to learn math and science as well as men? I mean, lord knows I'll never be an engineer, but goodness. He must've been trying to stir up ol' NOW's waters.

Okay enough seriousness, I can't get the image of tranquilized monkeys, and life-sized Nemo's with legs and ice skates out of my mind.

skipping work, etc...

So, I'm thinking...maybe I should skip out on work tonight. Sorry my fellow baristas--I can't keep closing on friday AND saturday nights. It sucks. Besides, it's really cold outside, and I don't want to leave the house.

I've been really happy and feeling all content and warm and cozy with life. Unfortunately, this morning I woke up feeling like somebody I know and love is dying, or will die soon. What kind of crazy crap is that I ask?! Maybe I'm just psychotic. Or maybe it's (enter scary music) SATAN. Trying to rob me of happy life feelings or whatever.

Finally finished "Searching..." I can't believe I made it through a "Christian" book. I read very few of those, but I happen to find Miller's books engaging, honest, and refreshing. I would recommend "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching..." to anybody who wants an easy, conversational read about Christian spirituality.

Okay, I've been so lazy all day. I've got to get some work done on the Williams Chiropractic brochure...design, design, design...fun times picking fonts and stuff...geez, I'm a nerd.

Loving

I've been reading "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller, and I have to admit that it's been something of a lifesaver. Here's a quote I really like...Miller has been talking about parable of the good Samaritan...

"Jesus was not afraid of...revealing the worth of those considered worthless. The modern-day equivalent might be to tell a story to a group of conservative evangelicals about a pluralist, liberal, homosexual who heroically stops to help a stranded traveler after a preacher, a Republican, and a Christian writer have passed him by (135)."

I often wonder what of worth, what of beauty, what of God I am overlooking because I don't dig deep enough past my prejudices and preconceived notions. Am I a really a loving person, the way Jesus was a loving person? I want to be, but I then I realize, if I can push myself out of the way long enough to let Jesus get through, His love is the love that will rush out to others. That's the crux of the matter though--how do I get out of the way? How do I push past fears, doubts, insecurities, and allow Him to just be?

Nothing much to say

It's just a regular day with not much to say. It's refreshing. All I'm doing today are perfectly normal things--working, picking up little sister from school, running errands, making sure my grandad eats--I can relax in the normalcy of it all. I appreciate this day. (Unless it decides to throw me a curve ball.) Instead of finding this day mundane, I'm finding pleasure in the routine. Balance, it's all about balance.

Taller, Wider

I love this poem. It might be one of my favorites:

Taller, Wider

What is it I feel: this odd fusion
of elation and sadness that makes me
stop weeding and stand this way, hands
on hips, knee-deep in lavendar?

The air, zealous with aromas
and swirls of bees, lisps in the breeze.
The willow I planted by the pond
five years ago in May, no longer

needs that stake I hammered
deep in the dense, moist clay. It sways,
strokes the water with nimble limbs,
and will grow fuller still--taller, wider.

Bouncing off the granite
back of Sainte-Victoire, the dull
timbre of church bells. A quiet noon.
My hands sting with nettles and dirt.

On my wrist, the bracelet
love locked around it, long ago,
on a winter night. A wilted leaf
now caught between its links--

I leave it there: I am learning happiness.

~Laure-Anne Bosselaar
"Small Gods of Grief"

I'm always hoping to be "learning happiness" this way. I've met Laure-Anne, had dinner with her, and heard her read, and she is such a lovely person. As evidenced in some of her poems, and by talking with her, she has had a tremendous amount of grief in life, and yet, she reminds me that like Joy Gresham told C.S. Lewis, the pain is a part of the happiness.

The more you open yourelf to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are. You will be tempted to become discouraged, because under every wound you uncover, you will find others. Your search for true healing will be a suffering search. Many tears still need to be shed.
But do not be afraid. The simple fact that you are more aware of your wounds shows that you have sufficient strength to face them.

~Henri Nouwen

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight...

~Billy Collins
(excerpt from Litany)

rainy mornings with chantico

I love waking up to rainy mornings. They are peaceful and contemplative and beautiful. There's just something about a world awash in grays and blues that suggests purity and cleansing and growth. Rainy mornings do something for my soul.

I was talking to Mike the other night and he asked me what I thought my main spiritual problem is right now. I told him that I was stuck with a negative image of God, and the negativity makes me apathetic about a relationship with Him. But then I realized that I don't believe that the negativity is the truth about Him. I told Mike I could handle almost anything I knew about God as long as it was the TRUTH. And I want to know the truth. Of course, it hit me right then, that if I am desperate to know the Truth, to know the reality of Him, then I'm not as apathetic as I thought I was. He is supposed to be Truth, He is supposed to be Real, and I want to know what it is to know Him in spirit and in truth I guess. I can't explain why this is a shift in my schema of reality and thinking...Knowing Him is what I've always claimed to be after, but I think now I'm realizing that I need to see Him beyond what I hear others saying about Him, beyond the image my mind has constructed of Him, and even beyond the box of evangelical-american- Christianity. I promise I'm not talking about becoming a Buddhist or anything. I just need an encounter with something real and new.

On a completely different subject...I developed some pictures of my freshman and sophomore years in college and MAN!!! Mike and I have lost weight since then, thank goodness! Well, he has. I lost it, and now I think I'm in the process of gaining it back. I hate that. I want to try and live healthier, not just think about losing weight. I did good all day yesterday until I went to work. I had oatmeal for breakfast and tuna lettuce wraps for lunch. Then I went into work and we have this new drink--"drinking chocolate" (very popular in Europe), Chantico. Of course, I HAD to sample it (no really! I had to for work!!), and my God. It was ridiculously good. So rich and creamy that we'll sell it in a 6 oz. cup. Then I had about three 6 oz cups of "samples." Oops. There went my healthy living. It's a chocolate lovers heaven. Probably perfect for rainy mornings, and meditative thoughts....too bad I don't have any now...