Thursday, January 06, 2005

rainy mornings with chantico

I love waking up to rainy mornings. They are peaceful and contemplative and beautiful. There's just something about a world awash in grays and blues that suggests purity and cleansing and growth. Rainy mornings do something for my soul.

I was talking to Mike the other night and he asked me what I thought my main spiritual problem is right now. I told him that I was stuck with a negative image of God, and the negativity makes me apathetic about a relationship with Him. But then I realized that I don't believe that the negativity is the truth about Him. I told Mike I could handle almost anything I knew about God as long as it was the TRUTH. And I want to know the truth. Of course, it hit me right then, that if I am desperate to know the Truth, to know the reality of Him, then I'm not as apathetic as I thought I was. He is supposed to be Truth, He is supposed to be Real, and I want to know what it is to know Him in spirit and in truth I guess. I can't explain why this is a shift in my schema of reality and thinking...Knowing Him is what I've always claimed to be after, but I think now I'm realizing that I need to see Him beyond what I hear others saying about Him, beyond the image my mind has constructed of Him, and even beyond the box of evangelical-american- Christianity. I promise I'm not talking about becoming a Buddhist or anything. I just need an encounter with something real and new.

On a completely different subject...I developed some pictures of my freshman and sophomore years in college and MAN!!! Mike and I have lost weight since then, thank goodness! Well, he has. I lost it, and now I think I'm in the process of gaining it back. I hate that. I want to try and live healthier, not just think about losing weight. I did good all day yesterday until I went to work. I had oatmeal for breakfast and tuna lettuce wraps for lunch. Then I went into work and we have this new drink--"drinking chocolate" (very popular in Europe), Chantico. Of course, I HAD to sample it (no really! I had to for work!!), and my God. It was ridiculously good. So rich and creamy that we'll sell it in a 6 oz. cup. Then I had about three 6 oz cups of "samples." Oops. There went my healthy living. It's a chocolate lovers heaven. Probably perfect for rainy mornings, and meditative thoughts....too bad I don't have any now...

2 Comments:

Blogger Mike Morrell said...

I am excited for you breakthrough, darling. I will be there for you in any way as you seek direct, unmediated contact with the One who causes you to draw breath...or, I will stay out of the way. Whichever is more conducive. : )

10:17 AM  
Blogger Paul Young said...

Being dis-illusioned with God is a healthy part of coming to wholeness...it just means that you had some illusions about Him in the first place.

12:43 PM  

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