decrease

It's been about two weeks since I've done any shopping of any kind. We're low on funds after our move and having to wait until next month before we see any significant increase in our bank account. I've gotten very creative with food stored in our pantry and freezer, and Mike's thinking about growing his hair long again since he's been so long without a haircut. I was remarking to Jenny the other afternoon that I almost don't even feel human because I haven't been shopping.

Isn't this AWFUL?

I didn't know that the craving was so strong inside of me.

And yet, I was thinking about how staying out of the stores has weakened my desire to consume, consume, consume. We don't have cable (or even a good antenna), so I haven't been harangued by commercials who are trying to make feel incomplete without their product; I haven't been in a store to check out their sales or pick up that little item that I always forget to buy and always "need"; I honestly can't think of that little list that's usually in the back of my mind of things that I "need" for myself, or for the apartment, or for Mike. My needs are met.

The Lord is such a Provider. The most I want right now that isn't a necessity might be a good glass of wine and perhaps a movie, and because He is amazing and the church is amazing, I'm walking to the next apartment building over to the Tinksters, where they have invited us to partake of just that.

I'd never really thought of myself as a "stuff" person. I'm not a packrat; I like to throw things away, give away clothes, and I don't spend that much time shopping when I have the money to do it. But maybe most Americans are "stuff" people without even realizing it, no matter how neo-hippie, progressive, or bohemian, they consider themselves to be. Our lives could be so much simpler if we let them be.

expectation

I'd really like to know everyone's (anyone's?!) opinion on the nature of expectation in relationship. Should expectations always be put to death, is it healthy to have a certain amount of expectation, are expectations wrong and destructive, or can they be useful? I suspect that, like everything else in life, there are no black and white answers to these questions, and I'm willing to entertain the gray.

Thoughts?

some life notes

It's a new day, and I'm happily munching on some pumpkin bread (my favorite!!!) Jenny baked for me and sipping some Earl Grey. The work day has gotten off to a slow start, but I think that's okay. The apartment is quiet, and I could just bathe in the stillness, the way a girl stretches herself out under the sun's warm rays.

This weekend was great. The church's beginnings here were simply and wonderfully centered on knowing Christ. Love, freedom, and grace--is there any better way to live than inside these things? Is there any better way to live than inside Him? I think not.

I've felt the creative embers stirring again, which has been and will be terrific. All the upheaval and change, missing family and friends, enjoying new family and the Lord, re-visiting some old heartaches, discoveries and conversations...all this has added to the warm, aromatic stew that's brewing within me. I've gotten the chance to read a lot too (who knows how that's managed to occur), and I'm slowly remembering how words have the power to change and give life.

straining for spring

This is the kind of poem that never would've made it in the old college creative writing workshops. Oh well. I'm free to write bad poetry now. :)

We’ve loved through the changing seasons
when we bloomed abundance, dripping sap
and honey, petals blossomed and open
wide. Even now in this early winter
when leaves brown and curl, falling
on the wind to settle in heaps around
us as a testimony of what came before,
we speak of love.

But I fear ice came too soon, making brittle
a thing once supple and limber.
We are naked, stripped barren
limbs stark against a graying winter sky.
When warmth melts down into our roots
again, will I remember how to bring
forth life? Will I unfurl the beauty
within or remain cocooned in frost?

Perhaps I have no choice
to do what is only natural.
And through this ancient cycle
we speak of love, our straining
for spring.