stand by your man

So, I'm happily married to this guy. It comes in waves, this realization. It might sound strange to say that being happy is a realization, but it is. Each day I learn to appreciate something new, or even familiar, about him. Take for instance, his persistance. He is tenacioulsy persistent. Sometimes this is pesky. Sometimes this is so irritating I want to scream (and, to my shame, quite frequently do). But, he knows what he wants, and I admire him for going for it in the face of dissuasion. It's a little scary though, sometimes he is alarmingly similar to this guy:

I have no doubt he will succeed in his grand ambitions, and I'm here for the long haul. You gotta stand by your man, right?

my derailed thought train

So it occurred to me several nights ago while sitting in a bar in Athens for Athfest that I really enjoy alcohol, the great and wonderful social lubricant. For some people, lowering their level of inhibition is most definitely NOT a good thing, however for me, I rather enjoy not caring about what slips out of my mouth, worrying over words, being so careful with my speech. I don't mean this to be an ode to alcohol, and don't worry, I talked with Phil and determined that since I don't 1)have an addictive sort of personality or 2)have alcoholism in my family, I am in no real danger of becoming a lush.

Alcohol was never a taboo in my home; it was simply not around much. Then when I started hanging around Presbyterians, I saw, hey, some Christians drink, enjoy themselves, and it's okay. College was just an extension of that, and so, as I began this post, a few nights ago I found myself in a bar in Athens, highly enjoying several glasses of wine.

But interruption, after interruption has occured, and I had such good intentions for this post that have now fled my mind, free as birds to soar in the great realm of lost thoughts. When you live in a house with another writer who also happens to be obsessed with the Internet, and there is only one computer, somebody's gotta make some sacrifices.

So here I am, woe is me, sacrificing my train of thought. Just wait till kids enter the picture, right?

anger, part 2

So, I thought long and hard about being angry. Why do I feel it bubbling just under the surface more often than not? Why do I let myself become bitter? Why do I have such a hard time with forgiveness?

I think part of the reason could be that my first encounter with an overwhelming anger occured before I'd even reached my teenage years, due to circumstances beyond my control. So helplessness, combined with anger, seems to have produced a very nasty chain reaction...I've never known quite how to deal with the painful things of life. So, here I am, in my mid-twenties, wondering when I'll finally lose that last screw holding it all together.

It's not really the anger that I'm so angry with, it's always how I choose to deal with it. I'm more angry with myself than anyone or anything. I've talked myself out of being angry with God, and the people and things that have hurt me throughout the years are just people, just things. Hurt happens. Ultimately, they can't be "blamed." I am only responsible for myself. So, I can definitely blame me.

And, it must be my spirit piping up..."there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..."

ANGER.

Will I ever be rid of it?

roasting hotdogs

I was on my way to return a movie to Blockbuster when I decided to take a shorcut down an old road that speaks of neglect. My tire found its way into more than one pothole as I passed an abandoned CPA's office building. There are some patches of weeds and overgrown grass along the roadside, as well as several forlorn homes that appear in need of some energetic, young couple bent on re-modeling.

In the South, you can almost literally say that a church building lines every street corner. So, there should be no surprise that I passed one as I drove, and since I take a rueful sort of delight in reading church signs, I made sure to drive by this church slowly.

Where will you be after Judgement Day?

Huh. I often wonder who believes statements (well, in this case a question) such as these are supposed to be inspiring or heart-changing.

"Well, I'll be roasting hotdogs (the kosher kind!) and knocking back some beers with Jesus, how about you?" I would've loved to respond to whoever put that sign up.

I don't really wish to bash institutional Christianity, but when I see things like that I feel a mixture of quiet mortification and sadness. One sign I saw read:

This Sunday, Jesus, A Special Guest

Well where is he every other Sunday of the year?

I don't think I'm in the mood to go on about everything that's wrong with our dysfunctinal Christian family. I just know that it's my family, and like any family, there are problems. But there's also big love and strong hands that unify us, if only we had the courage to really know it.

feasting gnats

So, despite the gnats mulitplying faster than jackrabbits in my house (which I don't understand, what could they possibly be feasting on?!!!), I am feeling content. I love the life God has given me to live, I love my husband, and I love good food.

Sometimes, I complain and take it for granted, but the Lord really has shown us such unbelievable kindness these past few months, and though my hubby and I may argue and eat each other's leftovers and bicker about whether the fan in our bedroom stays on at night or not (I am always soundly for it), we are so happy to be together. So that leaves my appreciation of a good meal. This may be my ultimate downfall in fighting the battle of the bulge, but there's almost nothing better than sauteed veggies, chicken, cheese, and something chocolate for dessert. And don't forget that glass of wine. Yum.

On a shallow-er note, but in keeping with my appreciation of good things in life...My friend Anne and I got to be extras in the movie, We Are Marshall, which is currently filming in Atlanta. It stars none other than the adorable and charming, Matthew McConaughey, who I think I underappreciated until now. I got lucky, and he was so close beside me, I could've touched him, but didn't. (Awww....man! Even stars deserve private space, right?) I think the man is even better looking in person than he is on the screen. Oh what good times we had yesterday.

Yes, good times.

Oh yeah, and since I just finished reading The Da Vinci Code (I caved and read it) and Irresistible Revolution, I was looking for new books and several got dropped in my lap, and I also found new stuff to appreciate in my own library (which is nothing to sniff at if you haven't seen it).

So, yes, good times.